Certified Chong

Fetching my notebook bag, I immediately went back inside the Westside Mall. Then all of a sudden I can hear my name being paged through the entire mall’s speaker system. The lady with the nice voice said: “Paging Prof. Utonium. Paging Prof. Utonium, the staffs are now ready to serve you at the Beverly Beauty Centre. Thank you. Once more, for Prof. Utonium, the staffs are ready for you at the Beverly Beauty Centre” Ding. Dong. And the background soft music then resumed, after the brief interruption.

I had the right to wake-up late this weekend. Finally the month-long gout attack had vanished. Went swimming I did the day before. Then my body ached pretty bad. Of course, this was the first sporting activity that I did after a four week hiatus. My natural plan to visit my regular facial parlor above, had to be moved till later the day.

By 12 I greeted the girl at the front desk, who was courteous and cute. She even looked very sorry to inform that the next available opening would be at 3 PM later that day. Since I skipped last month's session, I guessed I wouldn’t mind waiting. “I’ll stroll along the mall then, just call me when you guys are ready. You have my number already”.

An entire three hour of nothingness would kill me. Then I decided to pull-out my dependable notebook from the parking garage. And then a lightning bolt, upon hearing that public announcement, hit me.

There would be no mistaking that the public would then think in the line of: “Who is this Professor Utonium person? Gawd, he is practically outing himself by being paged by Beverly Beauty Centre”.

In short, as Will would put, I was a certified chong.

(chong. n. a homosexual individual in Indonesia, who takes care –too much- on how he would look in public. Derived from the word bencong or benchong, a derogatory slang used to nick transsexuals.).

And you would think that the nightmare would be over?

Alas no! Upon entering the premises of Beverly Beauty Centre, the staffs again greeted me cheerfully: “Ah, Professor, where have you been? We have been waiting for you as we couldn’t reach your number…”

I would then feel that the ladies in the room started to whisper to each other: “Oh so, this… is the gay Professor!”

Deep down inside, I know that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it, since about 25% of their clienteles are males anyway. But then again this Professor couldn’t stand public humiliations.

The steams opened up my pores; the facial massage was delightful; the cleansing was deep and enjoyable; the acne and blackhead subtractions didn’t hurt; the clay mask was thin, breathable, yet firming; the electrolysis was relaxing and rejuvenating, and finally as the encore, the head and shoulder massages were out of this world. I dozed in and out of consciousness during the entire one and a half hour process. And then I opened my eyes feeling overly refreshed as if I was re-baptized, but most of all, I felt gorgeously beautiful.

For now Beverly, you are pardoned.



Because I'm gorgeous,





Prof. Utonium

Copyright: Opening Image. Corbis © 2008