Some say that when you fall in love, you’d feel the butterfly-in-your-tummy effect. You want to be with your dearly-beloved-one every day, every night, and if possible, 24 hours a day. You feel this bond, as if both of you own the world. And the rest? They only rent the place and making the world overly crowded. Who need the others when you already have each other?
There is this thing pumping hard in your body, which makes your heart beats irregularly. Then out of nowhere it just came out, you blurted… “I love you”. Then there was a moment of silence. He then looked at you, with unfathomable mimic, and sometime later he just simply hugged you.
No? You’ve never experienced such a thing? I had. At that time, I was amazingly shocked. He was the one who treated me so well and I felt that his affections were abundant. Why all of the sudden, all he could produce in return was just a hug? Calm down girlfriends. It turned out that showing his feelings towards me was like performing bungee jump for the first time. “Tho I still prefer the bungee instead,” he added.
What is it with men expressing their feelings? Is it really that hard for them to say these three little words? Ladies, it turned out that men have other ways of saying, “I love you”. Take Satria for instance, a dude in his late 30-s. Once he said, “I may sleep with her, may marry her, may take care of her, but stating the sentence I love her in front of her? Oh brother, that’s something else!” This was his wife of 5 years he was talking about.
Why? According to Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, a relationship expert and the writer of “Why Men Leave”, there are several reasons for this,
Saying “I love you” is definitely not that simple. For men, it means a lot more than simply expressing a feeling. For some it feels like a lifetime commitment, for others it is fraught with dangers. They feel that they’ve got to really trust her and know she won’t throw their love away in order to actually say the words to her. They’re afraid of rejection, because this also could be viewed as an invitation to get hurt.
For many men, love is expressed through action, so it can also be considered as a promise of what is to follow. It’s about commitment and faithfulness. Again, these words alone can be very scary for some men.
Yet, naturally, men do love and different types of men express their love differently. Now, from the list below, take a note whether or not your man had done these actions previously, even if he hadn’t got the nerve to mention those three-little-words:
Through Gifts. Some men express their love through bringing gifts to their women. There are many different kinds of gifts a man can give. These include the ones wrapped in cute packages, candies, flowers, or special notes. Giving their time to you may also be considered as gifts. When they are spending more time with you –hence the lesser time spent with his friends and family- this too is a way of saying that they love you.
Being with You. By standing up for you during difficult times, attending important events or functions with you, going to your family with you, planning trips, dates or outings, and putting you first in their thoughts are surely their ways of expressing their feelings.
Through Making Love. There are also some men who say “I love you” by passionately and affectionately making love to you. Yes, the intimacy made them felt that they’ve loved you and often felt loved as well. It’s because that for men the physical contact would break down any barrier and thus providing a closeness that they wouldn’t feel otherwise. Although sex could be so many different things for different individuals, for many, it may mean to exceed her biological and intimate needs while meeting his needs as well.
Meeting His Friends and Relatives. Another way of saying “I love you” is to take you home to meet his family and his close-knitted friends. Not only it served the purpose of showing that he’s proud of you, but he also wanted you to connect with the people who mean the most to him. Love, in the deepest sense, includes sharing all aspects of ourselves with another.
Through being Jealous. Believe it or not, some men express their love through being jealous or having a possessive behavior. Why? It’s because that they do not want to share your attention with anyone. For these men, it would be very upsetting for him if you speak highly of other men or if he caught you glimpsing at another guy. He simply doesn’t want to loose you.
To conclude, to express love sometimes men don’t do it literally. It would be helpful if you can keep a journal of your relationship. Take a few minutes to note: What have you received that day and also what did you give him back or what are you willing to give in return. Write them down and do be specific. Note everything nice starting from his phone-calls, kind words, a surprise visit, a simple SMS, and many other sweet little things. I am sure that you’ll be amazed at the results by the time you realized how much had he given himself to you.
by Ayu Wulan
Published piece in
Column: “Vice Versa”
Publication: 69++ Lifestyle and the City Magazine
Issue: September 2007
Picture © Corbis. 2007
2 comments:
IMO, a man is never man enough if he can't get to say three simple words to express how he feels. otherwise, he may not really be in love and might just be there for the ride.
howdy howdy "jonathan", been home sick the past three days.
Interesting to know.
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