Eternal Bliss

It had been a while since the last time I would passionately confer over a movie that was worthy of our time to be discussed following a screening. Even while walking down the steps of the theater room, bebe had already started questioning me, “Do you feel like you could relate to the movie at any point of your lifetime?” Of course I nodded in agreement. If you’d loved someone ever so dearly, why sometimes you would find it so hard -in your own reasoning- to express your true feeling towards this person? And if so, how long are you willing to hold it steady in the deepest chamber of secrets in your heart? That is if you would ever… ever tell.

Eternal Summer, was the movie that we watched in Blitz last weekend. Armed with a buy-one-get-one-free bliss provided by Sensen’s HSBC, the five of us cheerfully went into the screening room, sheltering ourselves from the sweltering heat at the beginning of this fasting season. No wonder that this nominee for four Golden Horse awards was chosen as the opening flick at the Queer Film Festival not too long ago. Though I wouldn’t say that it was one of the greatest festival entries that I had ever watched (hence the I’m-not-sure-if-they-actually-won-any- of-the-nominated-category-at-Golden-Horse), but surely it hit home with the story line that the director, Leste Chen gave the audience.

It was a classic story of two different worlds in which collided in the least expected manners. Either natural or forced, any harbored dislikes and hatred was then erased, and grew to a higher level of friendship, as philadelphia, and sometimes the relationship even developed deeper. At least one character thought so towards the other.

Back then, I was Jonathan (played by Bryant Chang), who by chance got to know Shane (played by Hsiao Chuan Chang), a need-a-spanking restless boy with a short term attention disorder who preferred the disruptions of any harmonious balance in everything stable in this world. Well, my Shane wasn’t as bad as him. But I could force some sort of resemblance between them: the bad boy look, the I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude, the passion for basketball, and of course the menacing rugged good-looks that they sported.

While my world thought that I was dating someone else back in high-school (and let me tell you, they didn’t think that I was dating a girl to start with!), secretly I had the biggest crush on my Shane. We lived so far apart, our hobbies were very different, we hang out with different crowds, it was almost unlikely that our paths would ever cross. Then one day, my Shane was transferred to my classroom. I remembered how delighted I was that day. And the rest was history, we became quite close with one another, our groups started to mingle with each other. In short he then gave me the best camaraderie that I would ever need.

Call it awestruck, stupefied, or even insanity, but I was so jealous when finally my Shane met a girl to call his own. I remembered being so mad at him for “unknown reasons”. That was before inquisitively he noticed the change in me towards him. Felt cornered one fine day, I sighed and let a confession streamed on how I truly felt about him. I didn’t care how his reaction would be, young and naïve I was, I just needed to show him that I did care a lot (if not more) about him.

He was of course shocked and confused. And then about ten minutes later (maybe out of beddazlements) he insisted that it wouldn’t be wise for us to see each other again (this was supposed to be my dramatic-big-bang-ending). I was crushed to the bone. It was the first time that I would understand the meaning of word heart-broken. Like you felt the squishing agony in your chest, the sudden disillusionment that your world just ended, and the extreme sadness that your loved ones not only left you for another human being, but he was also cutting the lines of friendship with you. Other than passing-away relatives, this was then the first time I would cry over loosing someone dearly special to me.

Three weeks later my pembantu gave me a bark, “Sir, you have someone on the phone”. I was so grateful that I was actually my Shane, “Jonathan, I… I dunno how to say this, but… I miss you. You were my best friend, we were always together in good and bad times. No one would try to understand me better than you. I don’t want to loose you here. You are still my best friend.”

So how are you doing over there buddy? And now, I know that you are reading this my Shane. I want you to know that I still love you –in a way of course! Don’t freak out- and I am so glad that I still have you as one of my bestest friends in the entire universe. But of course I still have a secret that you might not know previously. Oh, it’s just a little fact that I would like to share to you, that, umm, yes, you were my first love. Ever.

Warm Hugs,






Prof. Utonium