This Love Story Sucks

“Good afternoon passengers. This is your Captain speaking. My name is Captain Rob Gangreen, and we would like to welcome you to AerAnaLingus, flight EIA 405 destined for Dublin. How are you this afternoon? I hope everyone is in good moods for this journey. However, the command tower had just informed us that there would be a slight delay before we are able to depart, due to a quick repair on the second runway. On behalf of AerAnaLingus we would like to apologize for the inconvenience, but we still hope to reach Dublin International in due time as best as we could. For the mean time while waiting for the taxi, let me tell you about my recent love affair. Now don’t expect any sweet and cuddly moments dear passengers. This love story sucks…”

Desperate is a very good way to describe my state of mind recently. While every one in my vicinity tried to convince me that being single is fantabulous, however, I -the relationship-whore- don’t seem to agree with them. I have calculated my being single ratio at about 2.5 months after breaking up with any of my past. But as of today, that respected milestone had been broken, twice. Yes, your looser captain here has been single for more than five months passengers.

So in desperation I called my acquaintances to set me up with any guy whom they think would suit me nicely and vice versa. Then a mutual friend introduced me to Brad. Well, this Brad isn’t exactly the Brad Pitt type. He was rather slim (in which not really my type), and he was not exactly the-most-masculine-person that I hope he’d be (in which again, not really my type). But he was nice, very nice indeed. He made me feel special and wanted. Just by looking in his eyes I felt a very strong urge to hug and care for him.

Suddenly I had a light gout attack, yet I was feeling extremely frisky. Called him to cancel the movie date and went straight for lunch that Saturday. Afterwards with no apparent difficulty I managed to return home with him beside me. Note, that was going to be our first time in this more intimate manner. I noticed that the more comfortable he was around me, the less masculine he became. It irked me so much, yet I still managed to act cool about it.

Right away I was a bit shocked as I removed layer upon layer of clothing items he had on: He turned out to be really skinny and wiry, which was such a big turn off for me. But I didn’t want him to feel bad. The sex was on the border between bad and a non-sexual way. He refused my oral service, then he refused to be rimmed. Yet he didn’t offer those services either. Furthermore, Brad didn’t seem to want to penetrate, yet he didn’t ask for any penetration either. I was like, hmm, what other options do I have left? The answer came in a frottage-esque bundle. He got off by simply rubbing himself on my rather sexy tummy. Immediately, the thought that he was a follower of an asexual cult came to mind.

He felt asleep afterwards. Upon awakening, I asked him to shower together in a hope that I would be able to deliver him home as immediately as possible. Well you want to blame me after the ordeal that I had to go through? On the way he asked for dinner in which I granted in a silent protest. Then later, on the way to the garage where he parked his car in, he asked for a detour: To return to my place in the hope that he could stay over. I was like, “Dude, I will be busy tomorrow morning, that wouldn’t be good for my schedule. And beside can’t you see that I am limping now?” He promised that he would manage his departure by himself. Half-heartedly I agreed.

It was about nine pm when he said: “Aren’t you sleepy? You are sick you should get some rest soon” What? It was just nine and I had to sleep like a baby? Straight away he went into his personal dreamland and I was left stranded on a bed with someone I am not really into, with eyes wide open.

As I guessed exactly, the following morning this baby needs to be accompanied to his garage. My limping was getting worse as the purin-crystals are settling, blocking the blood streams near my left ankle. He didn’t stop me at the gate of my compound, he didn’t stop me along the way, he didn’t even stop me from entering the garage when we finally arrived. The thing was, I did’t need a baby then, I didn’t have time to baby-sit anyone.

Such a bummer of an experience.

Monday came and calls from his office were neglected, sms-s from his phone were ignored. Tuesday afternoon arrived and an sms was received: “I miss you. Do you feel the same?” I then deliberated for over an hour in concocting a subtle yet hard blowing message: “I am sorry Brad. I don’t think I feel the same. I tried and I can’t feel any chemistry. I am really sorry Brad.” His reply was a relieve though I could still feel the bitterness. At least mission accomplished.

Later in the week I found out many things about him that would shock me. The fake “position” at the office, the material-boy he was, and the final blow was that he was still in a relationship with someone close to a friend of mine. And I even heard the horror story that he rented out his partner’s place as he was away for a yearlong overseas task, without the knowledge of the boyfriend!

Told ya, the ending wouldn’t be anything spiced, sugared nor anything nice. I can only thank the Lord that I cut him off at the perfect time before anything went deeper. Well, passengers, now it seems that we are ready to taxi. Thank you very much for listening. We will turn off the cabin lights shortly in preparation for take-off. Hope you enjoy a pleasant flight with AerAnaLingus. And please do inform me if you know anyone beefy, cute and single! This has been Captain Rob speaking. The only openly-gay sky captain!