Unlike what some people might have thought of me, I really let go when I felt the need to let go. Especially in the case of disharmonious bowel movements.
While it would be true that sometimes one shall hold for a longer period when faced with a reality of an ugly public toilet situation, but in most of the cases, I would happily obliged to nature calls after some quick scanning on the available amenities.
Roll of papers would be the ultimate salvation. In the Asian-way case, a hand-held jet washer would be nice. Then it would be best if they have installed an under the seat bidet system. And on top of that, I was heavenly blessed of having to sit on a heated seat in the middle of a chilly autumn, with heated multi-option jet washer system, complete with a music button to mask any unruly sound that one might produce while doing his personal business, somewhere in Japan.
So earlier today, I felt the sudden need to do my personal business. Then equipped with a familiar knowledge of the mall's layout, I deliberately chose the most-likely-to-be-unattend
Extremely clean and luxuriously laid out, it had both paper and under-the-seat washer options. I secretly thanked the Lord for this.
And then just before the first %^&* was about to blast, from all the other empty and available spaces, someone chose to sit next to me.
I felt like a bad karma was surfacing, eager to be paid.
Then a very loud monophonic jingle came out from his cell. Then without any reservation, he picked up the phone. Then he would answer it in a similarly loud manner. And then he chatted as if he was sitting down somewhere more appropriate, discussing about bank loans and its prerequisites.
"Oh yea I know that Mr. Iskandar that you were talking about..."
"No, he is Muslim, you wouldn't know him from your church..."
"Hmm, maybe this wasn't the same Mr. Iskandar that I was referring about..."
"This one is very powerful, I knew him very well..."
The disturbance changed my mood. No longer having the seclusion that I was expecting, suddenly my bodily functions just halted everything that nature intended for that specific occasion. Damn the guy next door who stole my moment.
Even while I was wondering how could this person do this to the other person that he was talking to, alas, he didn't seem to find any problem of letting go of his "issues" anytime, anywhere.
You got the perfect blaring 3D wall-echo sounds and holly #$%&, the perfect odor as well. It was so real, not unlike walking into an IMAX 3D theater. Wait it was actually real, I was there damn it. Still I thank God that I didn't have to witness any visual-effect.
Out of annoyance and respect for the person he was talking to, I just quit. Disgruntled.
More sounds from his business. Flush. Stream. Re-flush.
"You know we should meet later on for a coffee..." he said to the other end of his phone.
Let's hope at least he would have the decency to wash his hands first,
Prof. Utonium
Copyright: Opening Image. Corbis © 2008
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