Friday, August 17, 2007

Touched














Ages ago the last time it seemed that I was being serious with anyone. Being single for so long made me forgot how would it feel to have someone special take-care of you (of course along with dotting friends and family members). All the while I was constantly praying to be given someone who’d appreciate me for who I really am. And then suddenly, the universe above gave me someone that I could call my own and Stevie Wonder seemed to rent his opening act to me. For once in my life I have someone who needs me, someone I've needed so long.


While no one is perfect, he was indeed perfect enough for me. His warm smiles and his cuddly hugs, his attentiveness that was shown towards me, his eagerness to assist me in many occasions, they were all taken into good accounts. We even work in the vicinity of each other; thus dinner dates were frequent, amicable and most of all enjoyable. It was like that all the stars were placed strategically on a perfect alignment to support our means.

But I wonder why, when you prayed so hard and you were given what you’ve prayed for, sometimes, just sometimes, something still appear to be missing. This is what I called the butterfly effect, in which I haven’t felt for him. The spark that ignites the engine. The mill that churns milk into cheese or butter. For others they simply call it the lack of chemistry.

God knows how I wanted to be with this person so bad. Trying all the regular concoctions of togetherness, full undivided focus, attention, and what have you-s. However, why is it that the best result was simply a development of a huge amount of tenderness towards him? Would it be sufficient to support the base of any relationship? For some it might be enough, and for others it wouldn’t? And for me I still do need that spark.

For all I care, I thought that his feelings towards me started as a “just because”. Something like, just because we were single, and then just because I was always there for him in dire times, continued by just because I know, that when he was truly in love with some he would draw a wonderful picture or a great caricature by hand of the person in mind (in which he hadn’t done), and also just because me too, would write something exhilarating about the person I have in mind (in which I haven’t done as well). Were we just a couple of “just because” people trying to make some connection?

Of course, I really hoped that we could go deeper with this. But finally I drew the line: I told him the truth that the spark just wasn’t there from my part. And it hurt me the most to have to convey this message when I knew he needed me more than ever.

Then suddenly an email appeared on my desk. It was a drawing. My face was on it.

And here I am. Touched. Not knowing what else to do.

Therefore I blogged.

Well Bunny, sorry for everything. Thanks for everything.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Darling, kata orang orang sih "Love is not about finding the right person, but is about creating the right relationship..
it's not how much love you have in the beginning, but
how much love you build 'till the end. Praise God with His love! *wink wink*

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