Mysteries (and Gifts) of Life

Finally, the moment that I have been waiting for came upon us. A dear friend of mine, a notorious affirmation-whore (banci kepastian), finally was able to take control of her own life. She was also known as the forever-lost puppy. Seemed to be lacking of self-confidence, she would need guidance in many steps along her ways. And the most irritating part was that she wanted to know exactly what is going on in her future. Will she ever marry the man of his dream? That is if he would ever return to her arms again in the first place.

And Mommy dearest, she seemed to have this utter concern that my brother would not ever be happy with his soon-to-be-wife of a girlfriend. While from my point of view, her worries were the ones that caused all of the dramas in the family. My brother is a happy-go-lucky guy. He seemed to posses the power to be happy so easily. He didn’t worry too much, all he needs to do is face the day with his head up high, enjoying the good and taking care of any obstacle in front of him. And furthermore, I like this girl and I trust that they’re gonna be just fine. Then I wonder why do people worry so much about uncertainties of life. Sometimes even forgetting that today is a beautiful day, one that shall be enjoyed together immensely.

I do have my own future problems to ponder around, business expansions that were good on paper, yet seemed to be slow in reality. Another looming on-going project that needed to be financed as soon as possible, yet we were still unable to get paid on past successful projects. But I choose not to worry so much, because I just knew that somehow help is on its way. I just need to pay a closer attention to the conditions and the supportive people around me.

At least I got one foot at the door, as my dear friend seemed to be able to take certain controls of her wariness. She started performing personal restrains, from fasting, reducing her smoke habits, even controlling her emotions, churning out more gratitude and less on the complaining side. Better, she stopped being angry all the time. I said to her, “Now since you were already able to curb your desires to eat, to smoke, and able to manage your anger, you might just add one more thing on your list that you need to control: The desire to ask what’s gonna happen in the future or your near future… ”.

While basically some tips from the future might boost up confidence in us humanis, I do still enjoy the mysteries of life. I prefer to be kept in the dark sometimes, so the end-result would be as sweet as the journeys that I am taking on my day-to-day basis. Furthermore, somehow I felt that it was just simply wrong to predict, as human being, this didn’t seem to be our privilege to know our future, never was and never will.

Part 2.

And with this freedom to choose my own paths, I recently was introduced to a very peculiar being. Well, actually friendster introduced us (yes, friendster is still alive you people!), while yahoo messenger beautifully handled the second step.

Something cute was written in his “about me” profile: About a happy human being. Ah, finally, someone who thinks that he is happy. A very rare breed that you don’t see around us lately. I found him as insane as myself (in a happy crazy insane way of korz). Someone who wanted to keep his big secret, that the Last Emperor of China is still alive (i.e himself). Eventhough, I had this impression that Pu Yi died in the arms of his second wife, Li Xin, a commoner, sometime in 1967. Well, if he was still alive, at least it would explain how he was so knowledgeable of the 70-s era. Things that I wouldn’t be exposed to as I was just a mere toddler.

“But you seemed to know a lot as well?” he defended himself.

“Cuz I too, was born in 1540 in Turkey, at the time when my father helped arrange the peace treaty between Venice and Turkey in the Constantinople Truce”

Ok that was fun, so what’s the big mystery you might ask?

While sometimes he slipped by referring to a scene from Arisan (a hit gay themed Indonesian movie), or inserting some gay slang (pepsi v. : gay slang for asking for a pee break; or I swam telenji mode in a Lombok beach, telenji adj. : derived from the word telanjang, nude), the point was, I still don’t even know about his orientation.

The way we were introduced was kinda online-ly gay. Do unknown straight people ask for your friendster friendlist and later in return receive a request for a ym session? Funny tho, during the conversations there was nothing gay about this person. He didn’t ask about my orientation, and I was too princess-ey to be the one who’d open the might-be-sensitive discussion.

I’ll just let it flow lah. It would be mighty interesting if he is. But then again if he is not, I wouldn’t mind getting a crazy, history-travel-movie-and-music buff, of a new friend.

Additional comment: If life is a gift from the gods, then I think it will be so exciting just to guess what's the next wonderfully mysterious gift that we will receive in the future.





Welcome to my world,





Prof. Utonium

Copyright: Opening Image. Corbis © 2008

Jealous (in Indonesian)

Udah dibilangin jadi orang jangan suka iri dengan apa yang dimiliki orang lain. Yang ada bukankah pikiran kita hanya akan terkotori oleh ide-ide negatif yang selain tidak berguna, malah juga destruktif kedepannya? Dari kecil-pun kita sudah diajarkan bahwa kita kudu bersyukur atas pemberian Tuhan, mau banyak, mau sedikit, semuanya ada untuk dinikmati kita juga. Dibawa asik aja, kata ayah saya.

Tetapi kemarin kenapa ada terbersit sedikit rasa iri ya? Bukan iri karena seseorang memiliki sesuatu, karena dia sendiri juga belum memiliki hal itu. Rasa iri yang aneh, saya iri akan sebuah kesempatan.

Jadi ceritanya ada kawan yang merayakan ultah beberapa waktu yang lalu. Undangan acara itu terkesan sedikit gokil apa adanya seperti teman saya yang mengundang: "Sodara sodari, dateng ga perlu dijemput, pulang ga perlu dianter, langsung aja dateng ke rumah gue, pada hari (beep) dan jam (beep), utk pesta kecil2an gue. Ga usah bawa kado, bawa aja pacar/ suami/ istri kalo bisa sempet waktunya. No kids this time yak!".

Au contraire dengan undangan tadi, datanglah saya sembari menggenggam kado yang sudah dibungkus rapih oleh mbak saya di rumah.

"Happy birthday!" saya salami kawan saya.

"Thanks yah, where's your date?"

"Maksudlu pdkt gue itu? Biasalah dia, ada tugas di luar kota. Maklum perusahaan nasional, tiap bulan pasti ada tugas ngider..."

Kemudian saya didudukkan di sebelah kawan lama saya yang obviously sedang membawa seseorang di sebelahnya.

"Weitz, pa kabar lu? Akhirnya, gue bisa liat lu ga eternally jomblo bro!"

"Daripada elu gonta ganti mulu, dasar playboy!" balasnya, sembari kemudian memperkenalkan saya kepada pdkt-nya.

"Ashanti"

"Beneran? Kayak penyanyi itu namanya?"

"Perlu liat KTP gue?" balas wanita itu sembari bercanda.

Acara syukuran yang sederhana tetapi membekas. Kawan saya yang kebetulan hobby memasak dengan sakses berhasil menggelontorkan menu-menu yang terlihat asing tetapi sangat mantap menyentuh lidah Indonesia saya.

Waktu bergulir dengan cepat. Percakapan saya, kawan lama saya dan miss pdkt-nya berlangsung dengan hangat. Si manis yang ramah dan supel, yang dimana dari sanalah rasa iri itu mulai terbentuk. Di sana saya menilik sekilas pembawaannya yang anggun, pembicaraannya yang terkesan smart tanpa harus menggurui, dan jiwa pelayanan alaminya yang muncul ketika waktu beres-beres tiba, membantu sang empunya rumah, yang mana kebetulan pula baru saja ia kenal.

Gong terakhir tiba ketika acara dilanjutkan ke ruang tengah untuk berkaraoke seadanya. Di sana ia membuatku terpana dengan suaranya yang lembut dan mengambang, tanpa ada tekanan yang berarti, semuanya mengalun seiring harmoni yang sedang berlaku.

"Somewhere... over the rainbow... way up there..."

Kenapa saya harus iri dengan kawan saya ya? Dengan kesempatannya untuk dapat berdekat-dekatan dengan Ashanti.

Padahal somewhere over the rainbow juga sudah ada seseorang yang menakjubkan yang sudah berhasil membuat saya blingsatan head over heels belakangan ini, yang besok juga sudah kembali ke kota ini, ke dalam pelukan saya lagi.

Saya hanya berdoa, Ya Tuhan, semoga tidak semua laki-laki "ga pernah puas" seperti saya ini.






Aku (sepertinya) bukan lelaki buaya darat,

Prof. Utonium

Copyright: Opening Image. Corbis © 2008

Warning Signals for The So-called Nice Dudes

Flipping through the latest issue of a man’s fashion magazine, I was immediately interested in an article about the types of bad women that guys could fall into. Semi-consciously or most of the time unassumingly, we men fell into their traps. And furthermore, the funny thing is that if you just try to swap the words: girl, women, or female and exchange them into your: dude, guy, twink, partner, boyfriend, ex, fling or what have you, not only comparable, but the list actually makes a lot of sense! I felt empowered now that this article suddenly enables me to kinda read people’s insides on whether or not they are gonna be bad for my future. I’m sure you’ll have an eye opener too. Now, omitting only several categories that were specifically gender-based, hereby I present you…

Red Flags

No matter how gorgeous she is, if your woman fits into one of these categories, don’t jeopardize your happiness and well-being, leave immediately.

by John Schweisthal, Jr.

It is probably not a stretch to assume that nearly every guy has made mistakes with women at some point. We’ve been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. As men, we make fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treat us like dirt. We’ve wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes in chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten. But do we learn from our experiences? Very often the answer to that is NO. With each new relationship, we think it’s going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you’ll just get your heart broken over and over again. Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you’ll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bad dating.

The Gold Digger
She’s out for your money. Pure and simple. This type of woman is the ultimate high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she’s biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, trips, flowers and jewelry, while see feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She may be nothing more than a whitewashed harlot. The gold-digger thinks her flower between her thighs is plated with 24 karat gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified, and since she has no concept of someone else’s feelings, her only interest is getting what she wants. Don’t be fooled, some apparently very sweet girls are the greediest of them all.

The Romantic
This type of woman lives in a fantasy world of feminine movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bridal magazines, imagining that, at any moment, prince charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The romantic women of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are “princesses” and have absolutely no idea that real life consist of paying bills and daily stress. This type of woman will expect to be taken care of, quite possibly as exciting as a corpse in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run!

The Elusive
This woman is a close cousin of the romantic, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the walking wounded, someone has been hurt in the past relationships and thus subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her may be one of utter frustration, as first she might show great interest in you, but very quickly runs away and then repeats that cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you’ll never pass “friend” status. What you will get us a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn’t have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache and don’t get involved with her.

The Insecure
This woman seems great at the start because she’s very kind, accommodating and treats a man well. But her insecurities don’t take long to surface. Pretty soon she’s calling you 10 times a day, asking “where the relationship is going” or because she “just wants to hear your voice”. She needs constant reassurance that she’s attractive and worries incessantly about her make-up, hair, and the alignment of her clothes. She’s clingy, needy, and compulsively agonizes that you’re going to leave her at any moment for “someone better”. This kind of thing can turn really creepy, really fast.

The Malicious
These women are the sulkers, pouters and ball-buster of the female planet. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves and aren’t concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most malicious women fit into several other categories mentioned, and are usually good-looking and well-dressed. They can easily be identified by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through life.

The Self-Centered
A close relative to the malicious women, this type is entirely focused on herself. A self centered woman needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as “daddy’s little girl”, and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, it is advised to stay far, far away.

The Desperate
Whether it’s her biological clock ticking or she’s the last among her circle of girlfriends to trap a man, a desperate woman wants to get married. Not next year, next month, but now. She doesn’t care who the guy is or what he does, as long as he has a penis and she can drag him to the altar. Gentlemen, watch out for this one.

The Manipulative
She’s a scheming little piece of work who’s an expert at conning men. She will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you’re hooked deep into the relationship (or worse, marriage) and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little cupcake turns into a demanding, greedy mercenary who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn’t get her way.

The Tease
Usually you can spot a tease a mile away because she flirts with a lot of guys and flaunts her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she’s a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can’t trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she’ll dump you in a heartbeat.

The Controller
She is subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every aspect of your life if you’re not careful. She will take control of every phase of your life, what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat, basically everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will deny you sex or cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.

Be Warned
These are some of the worst women, and should be avoided. Obviously, there are some great women out there who share only a tiny bit of these negative qualities. But it’s always best to be on the lookout for the women listed above. There are thousands of fish in the sea; it’s only a matter of time until you find the right one for you. Now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame.

(End of Article)

The Whiner
If I may just add another bad category, I would definitely put the whiners in here as well. The whiners are the ones who blame anything bad that happened to them to someone else. And they will credit everything good to themselves. Samples of bad things could be their wrong upbringing, their spouses, the previous injustices that they’ve experienced, their educations, their conditions in general, their offices, and so on without trying to seek for the core problems or trying to change anything drastic from within. The whiners don’t push the grateful buttons fast enough, well it seemed that nothing would ever be satisfactory for them. Either they get exactly what they wanted, or they will everlastingly whine. Early signs of a whiner may involve someone who seems to complain a lot since nothing pleases them. And that really annoys the hell of some people.

How do you score?
Was it that bad? Well, let me be honest now. I suck at reading people. From this list alone I felt the utter need to visit a psychotherapist. I need some type of help as I seemed to fall into the same trap over and over again. Once I dated a Ms. Elusive, only to frustrate myself with his mixed-signals at the end. And as if having a Ms. Controller as my maternal guidance was not enough, I even dared to date one a while back, resulting in defeats as in loosing the battle of Waterloo. And the most amazing thing happened when then I realized that in my past there was someone who was not only a Ms. Insecure, but at the same time he was also a Ms. Desperate, a Ms. Self-Centered, and a Ms. Controller and to a certain extend he was even a Ms. Gold-Digger and Ms. Manipulative. Woohoo. Talking about a great combination.

So who are you?
I have a bit of a Ms. Control issue within me; I don’t like taking orders from people just like that, especially if it doesn’t sound logical and practical for me to perform. Sometimes I am also known as Ms. Desperate (hence the I-will-date-anyone in a rushed manner, resulting in breakups faster than Elizabeth Taylor in throwing wedding receptions). But most of the time I'd be Ms. Romantic. Yes, and still waiting for my knight in shining armor to sweep me off mah-feet. Along the way I could be a Ms. Elusive, to the people I didn't feel like dating (but still enjoy the sex part). And furthermore, close friends had file complaints that I could be such a baby Ms. Whiner, esp. during my single periods of hell. Bad me, now I am truly sorry for the inconvenience caused.

At the end, having a bit of the negative "qualities" are ok, since we are just mere mortals. But let’s just get real, too much of them are not sexy at all. And for those of you who think that you can get away with anything, maybe it’s not too late do some introspection. You don’t want these nice dudes to leave you sooner or later. And for once don’t blame others. Sometimes, you were the one who'd create the pain, the hassles, and ultimately the asphyxiations in your past relationships because of those negative vibes you were generating. We definitely need more gentlemen (and gentlewomen), who actually give a damn about those really nice guys too.

The eternally damned,






Prof. Utonium

The written piece "Red Flags" was done by John Schweisthal, Jr.
Published in the Dating Section of DaMan Magazine Issue March 2008.
Opening photograph courtesy of Corbis © 2008
Closing photograph courtesy of DaMan © 2008

Confused by Husni Elidaar

Sunset hit the City of Townsville. Lit my cigs to calm my jitters. Finally, I got a chance for an audience with Mr. Yummy for the first time. I even went home for a sec, took a shower, re-dressed and tried to look as (understatedly) stunning as possible. Double-checking my pose, double-checking my walk, my talk and my breath. Tips from the heavens had it, that I need to pass as a totally straight guy to even begin trying to get his attention. Yummy, my supposed date then on due-time called me.

“Where are you?”
“I am in the lobby already as you asked me to, seven o’clock sharp”
“What lobby? I haven’t asked to go anywhere yet! I was contemplating on where we were suppose to have dinner at”
“Oh gosh, but I thought you sms-ed me like two hours ago to meet you here”
“It wasn’t me!!”
“So who are you? And who am I meeting now at this building!!”
“Gawd, you double-dated me even before I know you!!!”

The phone kept on going,
“My, you put me on number two already before I even met you!”
“Look dude, this isn’t suppose to happen, I would never double-date anyone. So who are you then?” “I am not talking. You go have a nice date. God I can’t believe this is happening to me!”
“Ok, lemme talk with this dude first, lemme see if I can make you number one for tonite”
“But you’re on a date already! Geez!”
“Hold on, everything in life is negotiable man…”

Apparently I spoke too soon. As I tried not to panic in the extreme-confusion, I saw Mr. Yummy escalated calmly from downstairs. He was damn hot, got this professional aura around him. And furthermore, it was clear that he wasn’t on the phone, thus I was then definitely talking with someone else.

Immediately I turned-off the phone to greet Yummy.

“Hey there, how are you?”
“I’m good, you?”
“Cool, where shall we go you think?”
“Let’s eat there, I am famished”

Dinner was just starting when the phone rang again, reading semi-loudly the name of the guy in front of me (with the-say-caller’s-name-mode ON). Hopefully he didn’t notice that, since the reading was done in StarTrek-style pronunciation. Swiftly of course, I grabbed the behemoth and turned the silent-switch on.

“Now, where were we?” I asked imperturbably.

During the course of dinner, I barely noticed anything else around me. Just him, and the lusciousness of his lips and his awesome frame. You got me pal. You got me, at hello.

Sneaking a glance quickly every time it vibrated, I saw Mr. Number 2 (who I wisely placed at number two) called me four times and sent me 2 text messages. My time with Yummy there was so precious, I wouldn’t let anything ruined that.

Dinner was nice, he was friendly. We talked like adults, about life and business in general. Nothing sexual, nothing smuttish. We bid our farewells at around nine and promised to further contact each other later.

Then I called Mr. Number 2.

“Where are you? Let me meet you to explain this mess. I owe you one!”
“Was he even cute?”
“Mmm.. he was okay…”
“Just okay, or really-really OKAY?”
“Well, he was nice, that’s all I can tell you now, hehe”
“Ok, since you promised to take me out on a movie-date, let’s go see Shrek 3 at (bleep)”
“Great, see you soon then, it’s gonna take like 5 mins for me to get there”

Bought the ticket and he then arrived ten minutes later. I didn’t know what I was having for breakfast this morning, but damn, oh boy, Mr. Number 2 was a super-hottie.

“Hey, sorry for the fiasco earlier” I started.
“That’s okay, I got you here now at least. Gosh you are cute! Don’t you think so Craig?” he asked his buddy beside him
“Thanks pal, you too” while checkin’ the appetizing buns of his ass.

While waiting for the movie to commence, I got to know him a little bit better. He still hadn’t divulged his name behind that screen-name of his (which I no longer sure which one anyway after the bad mix-up).

“Okay, this is what happened. After I messaged him this afternoon, your sms then arrived, stating: Hey man, this is my other number, please write it down. So, I stupidly put you under HIS name, not knowing that you two are completely different beings”

“Yea, that would be stupid”

“Listen, I didn’t know better okay. So, along the way, I was both sending and receiving messages from you two, still unaware that I was talking to you on the phone when you called me. I thought you were him”

“So I wasn’t even on your list for the day?”

“Of course not, I don’t double-date. Sorry again for the mix-up.”

“I am still mad you know…”

His phone then rang,
“Yeah what’s up Mom?” “No, I’ll be fine…” “What? No… Greg is having ramen dinner now with a bunch of friends. Yea, yea I’ll be fine. See you later Mom”
Hmm. Greg.

Now I am totally confused,
Yummy – the super cool bear-prince
Greg – the fun loving gym-punk

Yummy had this air of coolness, I could never read his body language on whether he was interested in me enough or not. While in a brotherly manner, Greg had literally touched me all over and stated his interest verbally and through his body language.

People say easy come - easy go no? Yummy may be harder to catch while Greg had willingly opened his arms for me (or so it seemed at the least). Yummy liked to talk about work, while Greg had a passion on photography, in which both were nice conversations to have. Yummy is here to stay, while Greg will be gone soon, back to work abroad on a not-too-far-away land. But his ass, oh God have mercy on me: Greg, I wanna eat you all over.

Gawd, I am so doomed.

Regards,
Husni Elidaar.

This Love Story Sucks

“Good afternoon passengers. This is your Captain speaking. My name is Captain Rob Gangreen, and we would like to welcome you to AerAnaLingus, flight EIA 405 destined for Dublin. How are you this afternoon? I hope everyone is in good moods for this journey. However, the command tower had just informed us that there would be a slight delay before we are able to depart, due to a quick repair on the second runway. On behalf of AerAnaLingus we would like to apologize for the inconvenience, but we still hope to reach Dublin International in due time as best as we could. For the mean time while waiting for the taxi, let me tell you about my recent love affair. Now don’t expect any sweet and cuddly moments dear passengers. This love story sucks…”

Desperate is a very good way to describe my state of mind recently. While every one in my vicinity tried to convince me that being single is fantabulous, however, I -the relationship-whore- don’t seem to agree with them. I have calculated my being single ratio at about 2.5 months after breaking up with any of my past. But as of today, that respected milestone had been broken, twice. Yes, your looser captain here has been single for more than five months passengers.

So in desperation I called my acquaintances to set me up with any guy whom they think would suit me nicely and vice versa. Then a mutual friend introduced me to Brad. Well, this Brad isn’t exactly the Brad Pitt type. He was rather slim (in which not really my type), and he was not exactly the-most-masculine-person that I hope he’d be (in which again, not really my type). But he was nice, very nice indeed. He made me feel special and wanted. Just by looking in his eyes I felt a very strong urge to hug and care for him.

Suddenly I had a light gout attack, yet I was feeling extremely frisky. Called him to cancel the movie date and went straight for lunch that Saturday. Afterwards with no apparent difficulty I managed to return home with him beside me. Note, that was going to be our first time in this more intimate manner. I noticed that the more comfortable he was around me, the less masculine he became. It irked me so much, yet I still managed to act cool about it.

Right away I was a bit shocked as I removed layer upon layer of clothing items he had on: He turned out to be really skinny and wiry, which was such a big turn off for me. But I didn’t want him to feel bad. The sex was on the border between bad and a non-sexual way. He refused my oral service, then he refused to be rimmed. Yet he didn’t offer those services either. Furthermore, Brad didn’t seem to want to penetrate, yet he didn’t ask for any penetration either. I was like, hmm, what other options do I have left? The answer came in a frottage-esque bundle. He got off by simply rubbing himself on my rather sexy tummy. Immediately, the thought that he was a follower of an asexual cult came to mind.

He felt asleep afterwards. Upon awakening, I asked him to shower together in a hope that I would be able to deliver him home as immediately as possible. Well you want to blame me after the ordeal that I had to go through? On the way he asked for dinner in which I granted in a silent protest. Then later, on the way to the garage where he parked his car in, he asked for a detour: To return to my place in the hope that he could stay over. I was like, “Dude, I will be busy tomorrow morning, that wouldn’t be good for my schedule. And beside can’t you see that I am limping now?” He promised that he would manage his departure by himself. Half-heartedly I agreed.

It was about nine pm when he said: “Aren’t you sleepy? You are sick you should get some rest soon” What? It was just nine and I had to sleep like a baby? Straight away he went into his personal dreamland and I was left stranded on a bed with someone I am not really into, with eyes wide open.

As I guessed exactly, the following morning this baby needs to be accompanied to his garage. My limping was getting worse as the purin-crystals are settling, blocking the blood streams near my left ankle. He didn’t stop me at the gate of my compound, he didn’t stop me along the way, he didn’t even stop me from entering the garage when we finally arrived. The thing was, I did’t need a baby then, I didn’t have time to baby-sit anyone.

Such a bummer of an experience.

Monday came and calls from his office were neglected, sms-s from his phone were ignored. Tuesday afternoon arrived and an sms was received: “I miss you. Do you feel the same?” I then deliberated for over an hour in concocting a subtle yet hard blowing message: “I am sorry Brad. I don’t think I feel the same. I tried and I can’t feel any chemistry. I am really sorry Brad.” His reply was a relieve though I could still feel the bitterness. At least mission accomplished.

Later in the week I found out many things about him that would shock me. The fake “position” at the office, the material-boy he was, and the final blow was that he was still in a relationship with someone close to a friend of mine. And I even heard the horror story that he rented out his partner’s place as he was away for a yearlong overseas task, without the knowledge of the boyfriend!

Told ya, the ending wouldn’t be anything spiced, sugared nor anything nice. I can only thank the Lord that I cut him off at the perfect time before anything went deeper. Well, passengers, now it seems that we are ready to taxi. Thank you very much for listening. We will turn off the cabin lights shortly in preparation for take-off. Hope you enjoy a pleasant flight with AerAnaLingus. And please do inform me if you know anyone beefy, cute and single! This has been Captain Rob speaking. The only openly-gay sky captain!

To the left... To the left...

Like a midnite attack, slowly yet calculated, they managed to suck you into their vortexes. When you are snuggling comfortably in their traps, they will then inform you subtly, “Actually, do you mind if I am still in a relationship with another person?” And before you could utter a single word, they would continue, “Oh it’s a rocky one, I’ve had it with him since forever and I think I am going to drop him very soon.” Alas, these types. With questionable motives, they want you around. And the ultimate draw was the fact that they never leave the other person. Ever.

I've never planned to be a home wrecker in my life. Until I was faced with limited options in encountering such behaviors: Shall I let him go (in which he was already dear to my heart) or shall I pretend that I am okay with all of these (in which I am so not ok of course)? Once I made that choice nearing the end of last year, I asked him to leave the other person and submitted to my request he did. The relationship didn’t go very well, because I knew from the beginning: The wants factors had won over the needs of my fragile heart and mind.

Another encounter of the same types not too long ago, but at least this person just wanted to have sex without wining and dining me. Of course he had to leave me with the phrase, “Look I am not promising anything, I am still in a relationship” Like, duh, why didn’t you tell me this previously and as iffff, whoeva was hoping for anything anyway! Well, maybe my face gave it out. I might act like I just need him for the (great) sex. But my face, he might’ve seen the longings that I had for him. To be closer to him.

Darn, I am such a sucker for romance.

And now this. Mojo Jojo, how dare you tell me right upfront that you are still wondering about the sexuality your newfound –cute- friend? All that when you are still unclear of what do you want to do with your current –rocky- one? With how many person(s) do I have to compete to win your heart siy? Very bad, bad, monkey. Suddenly it hit me. Oh yes, you are a catch and I think you know it well. But are you still worthy of catching my time, my attention and my affection?

Oh God, what have I done in the past to deserve all these bastards? They came in various shapes and sizes, usually in some very nice packaging. So, are you my dear, another bastard?

To the left
To the left…